Here up in Newcastle, as you might have
surmised, it's very easy to live in a bubble. It is the flat and the hospital
and Sam and Oscar and it is consequently easier - certainly emotionally, if not
actually - to shut yourself down and pretend that everyone and everything
outside of it does not exist, even if the torrent of texts and cards and presents belies that very notion.
BUT...
yesterday I had a bad day. I suspect it is simply a consequence of the release
of the pressure we have been living under. Now we have a relatively positive
outcome for Sam and a rough timeline for processes, the stress of not knowing
when/where/how has dissipated a little and in true me fashion, the walls came
tumbling down. All I wanted was a hug from my mum and my sister and my dad and
just to cry for hours. I achieved the latter; the former I can do nothing about
for some weeks yet. But it reminded me just how important the supporting cast
in this family drama has been. None of this shitty episode would have been
bearable without them. I'm now, embarrassingly going to name and shame them:
it's Christmas, we can't be together, but I can use this slightly public forum
to give thanks for everything they've done, which is Christmassy in spirit.
Ma: Truly,
we could not have done this without her. She now lives more than half her life
in our house in our part of the world and has become part-time carer for Oscar,
who luckily seems to have an aces time with her and sleeps outside her door
till she gets up. It takes a lot to up sticks like that and look after an
admittedly not really active 5 year old, but at least she's getting her drawing
practice in. I suspect our house is cleaner than it has been in months, and
that there is not a piece of clothing or bedding left unwashed and unironed,
and any day now I expect a phone call incredulous as to HOW MANY jars of
mustard there are in my cupboard, but the woman is a miracle. Our gratitude
knows no bounds. Thank you Ma, we love you.
Elle: My
sister lives quite far away but she has offered - and we shall take her up on
this - also to move in and look after Oscar. She has always been there on the
end of the phone for a good cry or to tell how fat Sam is or to send pictures
of Libby, her daughter, in her latest sartorial fabulousness, which have been
immensely cheering.
Our friends:
All of you have been amazingly kind and thoughtful and it's really quite
astonishing how many of you there are. I definitely don't send enough Christmas
cards out. However, every last damn one of you has offered help with something,
from Oscar play dates to food. Special huge thank yous to: Caroline and Bev,
who have not only supported me hugely with mugs of coffee and cake over the
last few months, but have practically adopted Oscar and also Ma, who is
incredibly touched by your kindness; Helen, our neighbour whose bag of Lakeland
goodies both practical and treat-y was super-useful; Jenny, my bestest friend
who really wanted to bring me wine and takeaway in Chester hospital and come
over and just hug me and who I really want to hug back; All those of you who
have patiently listened to my rantings on the phone and let me talk
cathartically about what's going on. All those who have responded to queries
about things I need on Facebook and have helped out or who have donated to The
Bubble Foundation, Thank you.
My
family-in-law: who will also be doing a little part-time Oscar-ing and also for
sending me my Christmas books early, which has been brilliant, because I needed
those laughs so much and for the annual Christmas quiz because we can't be
there to do it with them this year. But I will still win it.
The hospital
staff: Without exception, they are unfailingly kind and professional. From the
cleaners, whom Sam is fascinated by, to the nurses who tend to his every need
and the play specialists who come and relieve us for an hour a day. And everyone
loves him. And he seems to love everyone. Apart from Dr Heema who only ever
seems to stick needles in his hand.
Oscar: He
won't read this - just too much hard work - but he's taken on this strange
2-home, 2 carers temporary life with equanimity and ease. He has pretty much
just gotten on with it and fitted right in. He misses Sam a lot and yet he
doesn't moan and whinge about it, but merely sets about drawing yet another
picture of us all together round a Christmas tree or dancing at a concert or
lying in our beds (our walls are plastered and I'm running out of blu-tac.)
We're really proud of him. He rocks.
Matt:
Finally, my husband. He has been nothing but brilliant and kind and generous.
From sorting out a decent place to live, schlepping up and down the motorway
for hours to fetch Oscar, allowing me to buy a whole new hospital wardrobe just
after I finished buy a new wardrobe (oh the pain on his face...), just
generally sorting everything so I can focus wholeheartedly on Sam and Oscar. He
is my hero.
If I've forgotten anyone, forgive me. It's nearly Christmas and it's been a long day. But know that you all have a special place in our hearts this Christmas and please set aside a weekend in mid-August when we will be having the hugest, most biggest, bestest 1st birthday/Thank you from the Dodsleys party Cheshire has ever seen. Because you're all invited.
Merry Christmas lovely people. We miss you. x
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